


HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Series: THE TELL TALE HEART, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-02-06
Updated: 2001-02-06
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Third in the series-Bonnie comes to live with ray and Fraser and Ray's parents visit.This story is a sequel toAn Intimate Quandary.





	HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

heroone

Standard disclaimers. Due South and all  
characters  
herein belong to Alliance. . . Thanks to Linda for beta reading, I appreciate  
it. Beta you than me :)  As always, many thanks and blessings to  
Mary Ann, Ruthie and Bonnie for continuing to inspire me. Sequal to An  
Intimate Quandary. Rated NC-17 for M/M/ Slash/ and graphic sexual scenes,  
in part to illustrate Ray and Fraser's growing relationship. Sorry- my  
sex Muse has run amuck! Never had that happen before!

**HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO**

By: Amethyst   
  

         Ray's head bolted up from his pillow with a start as he tried to ascertain what had awakened him. His sleepy gaze swept toward Fraser's side of the bed and he was surprised to find the Mountie gone. Diefenbaker was curled up at Ray's feet and was watching him curiously. 

         Ray groaned and rolled onto his back to stare up at the dream catcher above him. Had last night even happened? Had this whole week been a dream? He lifted the covers and glanced down at his naked form. Nope, last night definitely happened. He and Fraser had made love, well, not really. Both men had been eager enough, yet still a little wary of the whole situation at the same time. Actually, neither of them really seemed to have a clue what to do, which was rather funny when Ray thought about it. They had gotten each other off and then fell asleep, not wanting to test their limits just yet. 

         The memory of Fraser sucking his cock was starting to arouse Ray and he felt himself hardening in response. He had reciprocated of course. Having been called a Cocksucker many times by some of the perps he had arrested, the fact that it was now true was beyond amusing. Ray had been a little tentative about it, after all, it isn't the kind of skill a guy usually practices; at least not a man who considered himself to be straight until very recently. 

        Ray knew what he liked, what sort of things he'd enjoyed Stella doing to him when she would perform fellatio, so he could only go from there. Fraser had certainly not complained and it wasn't  anything like Ray thought it would be. In fact, he rather enjoyed it, being on the other end so to speak. He hadn't swallowed, as Fraser had done to him when he came, but that didn't seem to take away from the Mountie's overall enjoyment. 

        They both pretty much fell asleep after that. Ray was exhausted physically as well as emotionally from a very trying week. Stella and Ray Vecchio had come for a visit and created all sorts of problems for Ray and Fraser. Because Vecchio was also called Ray, Ray had conceded to being addressed  as Stan; a shortened version of his given name, during their stay. He had reverted back to Ray the moment they had left because so many people continued to stumble over Stan. Besides, Ray couldn't adjust to the name change, he had thought he could, but it just wasn't him. Vecchio had continued to call him Stanley, prick that he was, but that was only a minor annoyance compared to everything else that had happened. 

        Ray had been almost out of his mind thinking that he was in love with Fraser. Maggie, Ira, even Stella and Vecchio seemed to conclude the same thing. Ray had battled with his emotions the entire time the Vecchios had been here and it didn't help that Fraser was his usual evasive self when Ray did try and approach him about the situation. 

        Things worked out however, he and Fraser finally managed to talk and get everything out in the open. Vecchio and Stella headed off to Ottawa and things had returned to a better than normal state. The only tragedy in all of it was that a lame-brain hunter had shot Ray's hawk Artemis, which he had nursed back to health after she had been injured by another man's gun. Ray still had the three baby hawks and he would continue to care for them until they could fly on their own. How Ray would teach them to fly was still a mystery but he would try. 

        He stretched lazily, forgetting about the mystery of whatever had awakened him, and enjoying a brand new day. Maybe he should have Fraser get him off more often, it put Ray in a much better mood. Remembering that Fraser was up and about somewhere, Ray finally tossed back the covers and stood from the bed. 

        Fraser halted stiffly as he entered the room at that exact same moment and flushed a bright pink. Seeing Ray in the nude with the morning sun streaming in the windows and casting an almost ethereal glow around his partner had the Mountie aroused in seconds. As usual, Fraser was dressed casually, wearing blue jeans and a green striped shirt. 

        "Oh...er...ah...you're awake that's good," he managed to stammer as he politely averted his gaze. 

        Ray smirked and grabbed his jeans, shrugging into them. He shook his head at Fraser. The guy had Ray's dick down his throat last night and this morning he was schoolboy shy about seeing him naked? How messed up was that? Maybe the Mountie was having second thoughts about what had happened. 

        "Yah," Ray agreed, cautiously. He did not bother to pull on a shirt, as he needed a shower first. "You been up long?" 

        Fraser shook his head. He had slept better last night than he could ever remember sleeping. "No, only a few minutes. Maggie called on the radio." 

        Ray was instantly alert. "Anything wrong?" 

        "No, she had news about Bonnie," Fraser informed as Diefenbaker finally hopped down off the bed and headed for the kitchen to see if his breakfast was ready. "Um...why don't you go ahead and take your shower and I'll get our breakfast ready, then we can talk." 

        "We talked last night, Fraser," Ray reminded, unable to break the habit of calling his partner by his last name, just yet. He sighed when Fraser blushed again and pulled on his ear. 

        "I...I mean about what Maggie said about Bonnie, Ray," the Mountie murmured. 

        Ray stepped up to the closet, close to Fraser. He brushed against the Mountie, intentionally as he reached for a clean towel off the top shelf. As expected, Fraser stepped back slightly and Ray shielded his expression from the hurt that pierced his heart. He was right, Fraser was having second thoughts. 

        Ray had known a relationship with the Mountie would be a long shot, especially after he had practically forced Fraser into admitting how he felt. Maybe Fraser just wasn't ready yet; he wasn't as adaptable as Ray when it came to such emotional situations. Ray smirked, yah, sure he was adaptable-he came close to loosing his mind this week, he still wasn't real sure about any of this. 

        "Wanna join me in the shower, Frase?" he inquired, testing his theory. 

        Fraser cast him a startled glance. "I...I don't believe there would be room for...for both of us, Ray," he stated, quietly. "You...you go ahead and shower first, there should be plenty of hot water." 

        "Sure," Ray replied, softly, staring at the towel in his hand as though forgetting why he had it. He bit his lip and ran his thumbnail along his jaw thoughtfully. "I'll only be a few minutes then." He turned and started toward the bathroom. As an after thought, he paused and turned back to Fraser. He gave the Mountie a tentative kiss on the cheek. "Thanks." 

        Fraser stared after his partner, as Ray entered the small washroom and closed the door. Fraser reached up to touch the skin that had been graced by Ray's lips. He was still tingling from last night's events and had been in awe to wake up this morning with Ray curled against him. He hadn't attempted to disentangle his friend, as he usually did when awakened in such a predicament. Instead, he just pulled Ray closer and snuggled with him, unwilling to rise from the bed. 

        His conscience reprimanded him for being slothful, but he'd ignored it. It felt better than he could ever have imagined waking up with Ray in his arms. They had taken things rather fast last night, once they got past the barriers each man seemed to hold about sex with their partner. It had been quick but satisfying for them both and Fraser couldn't complain. 

        He looked forward to the nights when they would go all the way and Ray would allow Fraser to make love to him. Fraser had made a mental note to refresh his knowledge and research same sex lovemaking and possible erogenous zones so he could please Ray enough that the American would want it again and again. 

        The radio had finally forced Fraser to move from his comfortable spot beside Ray and he had gone to the other room to answer his sister's call. Maggie had some disheartening news about Bonnie, but it could still turn out to be something good. That all depended on how Ray took the news Fraser needed to tell him. There had been so many changes and so much for Ray to adapt to this past week, Fraser was unsure that the American could take one more. 

        He heard Diefenbaker barking at him from the other room, scolding Fraser for not having his food waiting. Fraser shook his head and turned to leave the room, then paused. Something was different. He moved toward the closed door of the washroom and listened to the water running. That was it, just the sound of the spray and nothing further. 

        Ray almost always sang in the shower, that was what Fraser's keen hearing had picked up as missing this morning. He considered his actions only for a moment, before quietly opening the door and stepping inside the steam filled room. 

        He could make out Ray's lithe form behind the simple, almost transparent shower door. One of Ray's hands were braced on the side of the stall, Fraser assumed the other held the soap.  His head bent against the pounding spray of the water. Fraser thought he looked sad and defeated and wondered what had caused his friend's change of mood. 

        He gathered his courage, pushing away the idea that it wasn't polite to interrupt someone in the bathroom, regardless of what he or she was doing, and stepped closer to the stall. 

        "Ray?" he inquired and watched his partner jump slightly in surprise. Obviously he hadn't heard Fraser enter. 

        "I said I'll be out in a minute, Fraser," Ray snapped, his voice sounded strained. 

        "I...I didn't mean to interrupt, Ray," Fraser quickly apologized, puzzled by his friend's attitude. "There's no rush I merely wanted to make sure you were all right." 

        Ray went completely still for a minute, then finally straightened up and turned around. He opened the stall door enough to poke his head out. 

        "Why wouldn't I be all right?" he asked, surprised. 

        Fraser pulled at his ear, uncomfortably. How did he tell Ray that he was worried only because the blonde hadn't been singing in the shower, he would sound ridiculous. 

        "You seem...quiet this morning, that's all," Fraser decided, finally. That sounded much better than saying he was worried because Ray hadn't been singing Abba at the top of his lungs. 

        "So are you, Fraser," Ray stated, softly. "Guess we both are, huh?" 

        "I...is anything bothering you, Stan?" Fraser asked. 

        Ray lowered his eyes for a minute, thoughtfully, then extended a hand to Fraser. "Com'ere." 

        Fraser stepped forward and accepted his partner's hand. 

        "Are...are we okay, Fra...Ben?" Ray inquired, closing his fingers around Fraser's. 

        Fraser tried to keep his gaze on Ray's face and not on his friend's slick, naked, body that was partially visible behind the stall door. He had caught Ray's correction of his name and almost smiled. 

        "I...why wouldn't we be, Ray?" he countered, unsure what the real question was. 

        "You seem pretty quiet, too, buddy," Ray stated, regretfully. "Are...are you havin' second thoughts about...y'know about us...I mean what happened between us?" 

        "Are you?" Fraser countered. 

        "I asked you first, Ben." 

        "No, Ray I'm not having second thoughts, but I would understand if you were." Fraser used his free hand to push the damp tendrils of blonde hair away from his partner's face. "This has been a very trying week for you and..." 

        Ray growled. "Don't start that again, Fraser!" 

        "Ray I only meant..." 

        "I told you I was cool with this," Ray insisted. "I told you all of that, everything I was feeling. I hate repeating myself, damnit!" Ray ran a hand through his slick, wet hair, in exasperation. "I...yah I have some doubts, but not many and they're more about me than you, so stop thinkin' all of this is a result of Vecchio and this past week." 

        "I'm sorry, Ray," Fraser offered contritely. 

        Ray was right, Fraser was just obsessing again. He was still so afraid that Ray would change his mind and that all of this was a passing fancy. Fraser's heart couldn't handle having Ray so wonderfully close, only to have the American decide he didn't want to be here and leave. 

        "I know you're scared," Ray said, softly, surprising Fraser by his perception. "I'm scared too. But we're buddies and partners first and foremost, right?" 

        Fraser nodded without hesitation. 

         "Anything else is just icing on the cake," Ray continued. "We don't have to rush into anything and we don't have to base any relationship we want to have on anyone else's ideas. We'll just, y'know, take it as it comes and if it's good, great. If it isn't, we'll still be buddies, Fraser." He reached up and caressed Fraser's cheek in a truly intimate gesture. "I'm not goin' anywhere, either way we do it. We're a duet rememeber?" 

        Fraser blinked at the sudden moisture in his eyes. Once again, Ray had managed to delve into Fraser's subconscious and discover his worst fear, that Ray would one day leave him. He didn't know what he had done to be rewarded with such an understanding partner, but he intended to thank God and make the most of it. 

        "Your water will get cold," he decided, suddenly shy again. 

        Ray grinned and opened the door all the way to pull him inside. "So come and keep me warm." 

        Fraser released a startled laugh, as the door clicked behind him and the water immediately soaked his clothes. He glanced down and noticed that Ray was rock hard and he offered a little moan of anticipation as Ray ripped open Fraser's shirt. 

        "See, plenty of room. Ya got too many clothes on there, buddy," he teased. 

         Fraser eagerly assisted him in the disrobing. The stall was too small to maneuver very much, but together they managed to get Fraser freed of his garments and the clothes tossed over the stall to the bathroom floor. Seconds later they were both naked. The Mountie was just as aroused as Ray and had been that way, since he walked into the bedroom and saw Ray standing nude by the bed. 

        "Bloom close, Ben," Ray taunted, grinding his pelvis against Fraser's. "I need another swimming lesson and some more of that Mountie mouth technique."  He pulled back suddenly, just before their lips touched, his eyes narrowing. "Speakin' of which, you really weren't 'Buddy Breathin' when we were lookin' at that beaver damn, were ya?" 

        Fraser had the decency to blush and lowered his eyes. 

         Ray cuffed him in the back of the head. 

         "That's not buddies." he grinned and pulled Fraser close. 

        Fraser responded to the challenge, hungrily, with a kiss that left Ray breathless. This was no gentle, feather light exploration that a man might use when kissing a woman, this was a deep, passionate, no-holds-bared, tongue-in-throat kind of kiss that men dreamed of but most women were too shy to receive or perform. 

        Ray couldn't believe how much he loved kissing Fraser. The Mountie's technique was totally masculine, like Ray's, but that just added to the procedure. Both tried to claim victory over the other, both tried to lead and it left them breathless in a delicious no-win battle. 

        Ray's head accidentally bounced off the wall of the stall as Fraser pushed him backwards, pinning Ray's body with his own. Last night was urgent, but seemed mild compared to this round. Fraser seemed intent to have every part of his body touching or grinding against Ray's in an animalistic need. Ray could hardly stand the friction of their cocks rubbing together, mixed with the warming massage of the spray above them. He heard Fraser moan in desire and pumped harder against him. 

        "Ray!" he breathed, finally releasing his partner's mouth, to nuzzle and nip at Ray's neck. 

        "Hmmmm?" Ray couldn't talk; he was lucky he was still standing upright. 

         Ray was gripping Fraser's shoulders so tightly that he was sure there would be bruises on the Mountie tomorrow. He was so incredibly turned on by Fraser's touch, that it was scaring him, simultaneously. The fact that it was a man touching him, his partner and friend arousing him confused him beyond reason. 

        However, this wasn't just any other man, this was Fraser and Ray could finally admit that he loved the Mountie. When Ray loved someone it was totally and completely so it didn't matter about the sex, love was love and sex was good any way you could get it. Granted, he'd never considered it before, sex with a man, nor was he considering it now-not with any man other than Fraser anyway, so that made their situation unique. 

        "Ray, I...I want..." Fraser began, observing the way Ray's eyes were shuttered, his mouth partially opening with each panted breath of frustrated ecstasy. His head leaned back to expose the long column of his throat. Fraser had never seen any one look so enticingly erotic. 

        "Me too," Ray managed, not knowing what Fraser wanted but pretty sure they were thinking the same thing; release. 

        Fraser raised his gaze, waiting to lock with Ray's, his cerulean eyes smoky with desire. "Do you, Ray?" 

        Ray's eyes opened a fraction of an inch. "Anything, Fraser," he croaked. He pulled Fraser closer, maintaining the rhythm the Mountie had started. He was so close, the sensations were unbelievable and Ray only wanted more. "Fuck, whatever ya want, just do it and do it now!" 

        Fraser moaned again and plastered himself against Ray's slick body. One hand grabbed a handful of Ray's hair to bring him closer for a kiss, while the other roamed down over Ray's buttocks. He squeezed and Ray bucked against him, while he sucked Fraser's tongue into his mouth. Fraser raised his hand and reached for the soap on the shelf behind them. 

        Ray's right hand cradled Fraser's neck, to keep the kiss going, while his left dropped to grasp Fraser's cock. He felt the Mountie gasp in appreciation as Ray boldly started stroking him in a fast rhythm. Ray was startled when he suddenly felt Fraser's finger penetrate him. He almost bit off his own tongue, as well as Fraser's in alarm. He tried to pull away, but that only increased the penetration and he gasped. 

        Ray tried to end the kiss, but Fraser's hold on his hair prevented it and the Mountie seemed unaware that Ray was no longer responding as before. He'd told Fraser anything, but he hadn't meant this! Ray wasn't ready for this step. He'd been thinking of another blow-job or at the most the continuation of what they had been doing, grinding against each other. He was shocked Fraser was even thinking about fucking him up the ass. Finally, he managed to free his mouth, even as a second of Fraser's fingers probed him. 

        "Fraser, no!" he gasped at the odd sensation and the way his ass muscles contracted at the intrusion. It hurt but it also felt...he shook his head and ignored that part. He wasn't ready for this step, he thought he could do whatever came along, try anything once was his motto, but something about that particular act scared the hell out of him. "Wait, I didn't..." 

        "You said anything," Fraser reminded. His voice was dark with desire as he licked his way across Ray's throat and up to his left ear. "I'll be careful, Ray. Please, I want to make love to you. It's all I've dreamed of for so long..." 

        He captured Ray's mouth again and inserted a third finger into Ray's ass. He remembered reading about a special spot that was supposed to be very pleasurable to a man. He knew if he could find that spot, Ray would relax and enjoy it 

        "Mmmrrammph!" Ray protested, again trying to get free, but Fraser had him pretty much pinned to the wall and any struggling just seemed to jam the Mountie's fingers that much further inside him. Ray blinked at the tears of panic and pain that were misting up his eyes. 

        Fraser was trying to be gentle, but Ray's struggling was only increasing his partners discomfort. Finally, Fraser released him, unwilling to go any further if Ray was this dead set against it. He pulled away and stepped back, watching Ray grip the wall for support and close his eyes tightly. The American's erection had diminished noticeably and Fraser was immediately contrite. 

        "I'm sorry, Ray," he offered, quietly. "I...I lost control, I thought you...I never meant..." He shook his head. "I would never do anything you didn't want me to." 

        "Christ, Fraser!" Ray hissed, attempting to catch his breath and compose himself from the panic that had controlled him.  His fear turned to anger. "No means no, God damnit! Give me a break here, we just started this thing yesterday-I can't be ready for...it's too soon, yet, Fraser." 

        "Please, forgive me, Ray," Fraser requested, ashamed. "I know this is all new and I...I never meant to press you I...I just got overly excited. I'm sorry." 

        Ray didn't know which he found more amazing, the fact that he could excite Fraser like that, or that Fraser had lost control because of it. The Mountie had caused Ray to lose control many times, but that was because Ray was hugely emotional and Fraser's exterior calm only aggravated an already tense situation. The idea that Ray had triggered such a response in the resolutely cool Canadian was mind boggling. Ray started to calm down. 

        D...Don't be sorry it's...it's not you, Fraser." 

        "I never should have started this!" Fraser exclaimed, frustrated. "I...I better go." 

        Ray caught him, as he started to open the door and pulled him back inside. "No, no, Fraser. Stay. We can...we can still..." 

        Ray stumbled over the words and he wondered if he would be so shy about saying the same things to a woman. He never had any trouble talking dirty to Stella when they were married. In fact, Stella was more vocal in the bedroom than Ray had ever been, so it had to be that fact that Fraser was a man. Stan still wasn't comfortable enough to vocalize what he wanted when it was another man he was talking to. 

        "Com'ahn," Ray encouraged, ignoring the throbbing in his ass and pulling Fraser closer to rub against him. "Don't get in tiff." God! Now he did sound like he was talking to Stella again. "I...I mean we don't have to stop we can just...do other stuff for now, okay? Ben, please?" 

        Fraser remained silent, but his heart contracted when Ray used his given name. His eyes fluttered closed in appreciation when Ray started to stroke him again. He wanted to continue, he wanted to please both himself and Ray, but he was ashamed for pressing his partner and for crossing that line. 

        "I can't," Fraser refused and stepped out, closing the door behind him. 

        Ray hit the wall in frustration, then quickly rinsed off and stepped out. He dried off, then wrapped one towel around his hips and draped another around his neck. Fraser had already gathered his clothes and returned to the bedroom. Ray stepped out of the washroom but did not see his partner. 

        With a low growl and a shake of his head, Ray stalked over to the bureau and pulled out some clean clothes. He pulled on underwear, jeans and a heavy gray Sweat shirt. Dropping down on the bed, he pulled on his socks and reached for his biker boots that lay beside the footlocker. He towel dried his hair as much as he could, then was forced to let air dry the rest, since there was no electricity for a hair dryer. He pulled it back in a pony tail with a vicious twist, then fell backwards onto the rumpled sheets. 

        "Oh Christ!" he cried, suddenly and jumped from the bed. The birds! He was supposed to feed them every two hours the book said. What if they died last night while he was asleep! 

        "The birds are fine, Ray," Fraser assured, quietly when his partner rushed out to the main room of the cabin and over to the nest, perched above the stove. The Mountie had changed into dry jeans and his Ivory turtle neck. "I checked on them when I got up and they were chirping away." 

        "They look okay," he concurred as the baby hawks seemed to brighten up at his appearance and started squawking loudly. He grinned and gently petted each of them with the tip of his finger. "Hi there, babies. Don't worry I got'cha. Food's comin' right up." 

        Fraser set Dief's bowl of food on the floor and watched his partner heat the mixture that the book had recommended using. They had made the milk and bread concoction last night and now Ray had to feed the birds with an eye dropper, careful not to give them too much. 

        "What would you like for breakfast, Ray?" Fraser inquired. He spoke with his usual passive calm, so Ray figured if the Canadian wanted to forget about what happened he would allow it. 

        "Eggs and ..." Ray stopped in mid sentence, horrified,  and glanced down at the birds waiting impatiently for their next eye dropper of food. "Um...how about pancakes?" 

        Fraser smirked but did not comment. Instead, he retrieved the required ingredients and set about preparing the batter. He couldn't help smiling as Ray's cooing voice reached him. 

        "Nooo, I didn't mean eggs, honest," Ray assured the birds as he continued to feed them. "It was all a misunderstanding." 

        "Ray, hawks are carnivorous, it won't matter if you eat eggs in front of them," Fraser reminded. 

        Ray shot him a scolding glance. "Fraser, it's the principle of the thing. Would you eat another wolf in front of Dief?" 

        Diefenbaker raised his head from his bowl and cast Ray a look of betrayal. He vocalized his distaste and Fraser shook his head. 

        "He didn't mean it like that, Dief," he assured the wolf as he added wood to the stove to heat the griddle. 

        "Well?" Ray demanded as he finished feeding the birds and put their mixture away. 

        "Of course I wouldn't, Ray," Fraser replied as he poured a spoonful of batter onto the pan. " Not only because it would offend Diefenbaker, but also wolves are horribly thick skinned, it would be like eating shoe leather." 

        "Like you haven't done that before," Ray teased, trying too lighten their earlier mood. 

        "I was a child!" he protested. 

        He had told Ray the story of boiling his good shoes to make soup after he had wandered away from his grandmother and gotten lost without any food or even a compass. As much as Ray complained about Fraser's stories, the American seemed to remember every detail to use against Fraser later. 

        The birds were still squawking, so Ray walked over to his stereo and put on some music. They quieted down almost immediately and went to sleep. Ray remained in the center of the living area, swinging to the gentle beat. 

        "Bird music," Ray decided, and pretended to be a conductor for the tune, as Fraser watched him affectionately. "So what did Mags have to say about Bonnie?" 

         "Ah, yes, well, you see, Ray," he began. "They have been trying to reach Bonnie's next of kin, which according to the papers in her knapsack was her Father's sister, Astasia." 

         "So?" 

         "Well, the authorities managed to contact the woman's neighbor and was informed that Astasia had been killed in a car accident two days before." 

         Ray slowly lowered his hands and stopped dancing. He turned around to meet Fraser's solemn gaze. 

         "What...what does that mean? Doesn't the kid have anyone else to call?" 

         Fraser shook his head. 

         "So... where does that leave Bonnie, Fraser?". 

         "That was what I needed to talk to you about, Ray," he said. "So far the authorities have not located any other living relatives, but they will continue to search. The problem is that they have no where to really house Bonnie until someone from her family can come and care for her." 

         "So what are they gonna do with her, Fraser?" Ray demanded, furious and saddened by the young girl's predicament. She was too young to deserve this much tragedy at once. "She's just a kid! She's all alone, Fraser, is that what you're telling me? The kid lost her parents and now she has no one because her stupid aunt died in a car crash the day before?" 

         "I'm afraid that is exactly what I am telling you, Ray," Fraser admitted quietly, watching his partner drop onto the sofa, forgetting all about his music and the birds. 

         "Aww, man! That's...that is so wrong, Fraser! What will she do? Who's gonna take care of her? Who's gonna want a blind kid?" 

         "Well, Maggie suggested to the authorities that Bonnie could stay with her," Fraser explained. 

         "Yeah!" Ray agreed. Mag's would be a great Mother, well for as long as Bonnie needs her anyway and she..." 

         "Maggie agreed to take her, then received her new posting first thing this morning, Ray," Fraser interrupted, regretfully. "She has to leave for Yellowknife in two days and she cannot take Bonnie with her. She will be gone for a couple of months on a retrieval mission." 

         "Then what happens to Bonnie?" Ray demanded again. He was starting to get confused here. 

         Again Fraser pulled at his ear and shuffled his feet, uncomfortably. 

         "I...well, I suggested that... I mean I said I would ask you if you would agree to...to Bonnie staying here with us, Ray." 

         Ray stared at him. He couldn't be serious. They were two bachelors, living in the middle of nowhere. The cabin was barely big enough for them and Dief, where would they put a little girl? Not to mention that they were too far out from a doctor if Bonnie became sick or hurt. She was blind, how would they care for her out here. She could wander off and get hopelessly lost. He couldn't believe Fraser was even considering this. He felt sorry for the girl, naturally, but what had Fraser been thinking? 

         "Fraser, we don't know anything about taking care of an eleven year old blind girl," he finally stated, reigning in his temper. He knew Fraser was just being helpful, as usual, but the Mountie couldn't have though this out. 

         "We can learn, Ray," Fraser insisted. "Bonnie is a remarkably well developed child and can show us whatever we need to learn to take care of her. Maggie thinks Bonnie would accept us because she knows us, in a way." 

         "Where will we put her, Fraser-she gonna sleep in the barn with the sled dogs?" 

         "No, no-of course not!" Fraser scoffed. "I thought we could rig half of the living area with blankets for a little room for her. I still have my Father's cot and..." 

         "Fraser she's a little girl-she can't be sleeping on an army cot!" Ray protested. "Besides, she'll need more privacy that just a couple of blankets on a string. There's nothing here for her to do, she'd be bored out of her mind. There is no way we can do this." 

         "We have to, Ray!" Fraser insisted. "For Bonnie's sake we must try. She refuses to go with any of the Inuit women in the village. She knows only us and Maggie. It will only be for a couple of months until Maggie returns. Even less if the authorities manage to contact a family member to take her." 

         Ray bowed his head for a moment, then rose and cast his eyes toward window. He wanted to help Bonnie, but he just couldn't see how he and Fraser could handle her. They might do more harm than good. Actually, Fraser could probably take care of Bonnie very well, he was good with kids, but Ray didn't know if he could suddenly become a parent or guardian, regardless of for how long it would be. 

        He had always wanted kids, but this was different. He and Fraser were still trying to figure out where their relationship was headed, a little girl in their midst would probably not help matters. Still, if Bonnie had no one else, they couldn't just abandon her. 

        "Fraser, it's your home..." Ray began, willing to leave the decision up to his partner. 

        Fraser walked over to him, shaking his head and placed a hand on Ray's shoulder. 

        "It's our home, Ray," he reminded. "If you truly don't agree with Bonnie coming here then we simply won't do it. I'm sure one of the women in the village will take her in." 

        Forcing the girl to live with one of the Inuit people in the village, a stranger, after everything else the kid had been through would be cruel. Ray also knew that Fraser would be very disappointed in him if he turned Bonnie away. 

        He sighed. "Okay, Fraser," he agreed finally. "I don't think we can do this, but I guess we can try for the kid's sake." 

        Fraser smiled relieved. "I knew you'd make the right decision, Ray," he offered and started to pull Ray in for a hug. 

        "Yah, whatever," Ray muttered returned the hug briefly then stepped back. 

        Fraser frowned. "Ray, are you still angry with me?" 

        Ray shook his head. "No, I wasn't angry with you to begin with, I just..." he shook his head, then sniffed the air suspiciously. "Cakes are burnin', Fraser." 

        "Oh dear!" Fraser hurried back to the stove to rescue their breakfast. Luckily they were just a little burned on bottom, but not enough to ruin the taste. He slid them onto a plate and poured two more spoonfuls of batter into the griddle. 

        "Will you have to go and pick Bonnie up, Fraser?" Ray inquired, from the living area. "Or will Mags bring her out?" 

        "We'll have to go into town, Ray," Fraser said as he turned the cakes. "Maggie has to leave first thing in the morning, so she wouldn't have enough time to make the trip here and back and still prepare for duty." 

        "Hmmm," Ray acknowledged as he stood, rubbing his chin, thoughtfully. "You should probably take the sled then, and pick up whatever Maggie thinks a kid will need with her." 

        Fraser scowled and placed the two perfectly brown cakes with the others. "Aren't you going to come with me, Ray?" 

        "Wouldn't be room if you're bringing Bonnie back, Fraser," Ray reminded and Fraser nodded, disappointed. "Besides, I gotta take care of the triplets' feeding and some other stuff." 

        "Is...is there anything I can pick up for you while I'm in town, Ray?" Fraser offered as Ray finally joined him by the table. 

        "Nah, I think we got most of what we need," he replied as they settled down for breakfast. "Eat up then I'll help ya get the dogs ready." 

        Fraser settled at the table and did as instructed. 

_______________

        When Fraser arrived back at the cabin, it was late in the evening and Bonnie had fallen asleep in the sled. The cabin windows glowed invitingly from the lamps inside and Ray opened the door the moment the team drew to a halt. Fraser's heart contracted at the smile that the American cast him, as he jogged down the log stairs toward them. It was nice coming home to Ray, but even more so now that they had become lovers. 

        "Bonnie is asleep," he whispered and Ray nodded and glanced at the child bundled under the blankets inside the sled. "I took the liberty of purchasing a small bed for her and Ira said he will deliver it tomorrow. The cot will have to do for tonight I am afraid." 

        "If it's only for one night she should be okay," Ray agreed, keeping his voice soft to avoid waking her. "Grizzly was here, came just after you left." 

         Fraser smirked at his partner's nick name for their closest neighbor and friend Dalmar. He stepped off the sled and reached to pull the sleeping child into his arms as Ray unhitched Dief and the team. 

        "Really?" 

        "Yah, I told him we had a little visitor coming and he helped me out with some stuff." Ray stated as he released the team into the barn, where tallow and water were waiting for them. "I'll take care of this, get her in out of the cold." 

        Fraser nodded and stepped inside the cabin with Diefenbaker. He paused, the moment he crossed over the the threshold. He immediately noticed a difference in the usual the open space of the main room. A partial wall to his right, made of the extra plywood they had left over from when they built the water closet, seperated a small space from the rest of the cabin. Fraser carefully walked around it impressed. 

        Ray and Dalmar had erected a small eight by ten room in the very front of the cabin. They had moved Ray's stereo cabinet to the other side of the room, closer to the kitchen area and away from the window that was now a part of Bonnie's room. The sofa, chair and small coffee table had been moved almost directly in front of the fireplace, which made the area seem more cozy. 

        Lacking a proper door for the opening to the new space, the blanket from their closet was now stretched across it. Fraser also noticed that there were a variety of small polished stones bordering the doorway, perhaps to aid Bonnie in locating the entryway.  He stepped around the blanket and smiled at the small cot that was already set up with pillows and blankets. One of the night tables from their room was placed in the corner between the window and the cot, for Bonnie to use, and Fraser noticed that Ray's dream catcher hung directly over the cot. 

        All the fuss Ray had made about the girl coming here and yet he had worked so hard to fix up a proper room for her. Fraser would never understand his partner's ever changing attitude. 

        "Ya gonna stand there all night or are ya gonna put her to bed, Fraser?" Ray suddenly inquired, from behind him. 

        "Ray, how in the world did you manage all of this?" Fraser asked, quietly as Ray pulled back the covers on the cot so the Canadian could place the sleeping girl upon it. 

        "I told you, Grizzly stopped by," Ray returned as Fraser pulled Bonnie's coat and boots off.  "It's not perfect and it's only temporary-a good wind might knock it down, but it'll do for now." 

        "I think you both did a wonderful job," Fraser offered as he slipped Bonnie inside the covers and Ray automatically pulled them over her. "The bed I ordered should fit quite well in here. The stones along the doorway were a very thoughtful and intelligent gesture, Ray." 

        Ray shrugged, unwilling to accept too much praise. "Ya hungry? I made a stew, turned out pretty good." 

        Fraser nodded and followed him out, pushing the blanket aside and allowing Ray to proceed him through. "That would be lovely, thank you." 

        Ray collected the bowls and utensils as Fraser poured them each a glass of water. Dief settled in for his own bowl on the floor and the two men sat across from each other to eat. 

        "I really am quite impressed, Ray," Fraser commented over a mouthful of the tasty stew. 

        "Enough, already, Fraser," Ray muttered as he pushed his own meal around in the bowl, uninterested. "I just did what had to be done, now drop it." 

        Fraser frowned. Why was his partner being so defensive? Had Fraser somehow offended him?  Perhaps, Ray really was upset that he'd been talked into allowing Bonnie to stay with them. He reached for a slice of bread to dip into the broth at the same time Ray did. He was startled when Ray yanked his hand back as though burned. 

        "Ray, what's wrong?" 

        "Nothing." 

        "Something is, you're acting very strangely," Fraser insisted. "Is it something I've done? Are you still angry with me about our...earlier difficulty, or is it that Bonnie is here?" 

        "No to both, Fraser," Ray assured, keeping his eyes lowered on the meal he was not bothering to eat. 

        "Then why aren't you eating?" 

        "I had a little earlier with Grizzly," Ray shrugged. 

        For some reason, Fraser was suspicious of that statement and he felt jealousy stir inside of him. Did Ray have the look of guilt in his eyes? He was keeping them hidden so it was impossible to be sure. Fraser didn't know if Dalmar was gay straight or other, frankly the hermit was something of an enigma. However, he was very much aware that Ray had not been satisfied this morning because Fraser had gone too far and then gotten upset and walked away. 

        He wondered, now that Ray knew he could find pleasure with a man, if the American might accept it from others as well. Fraser knew he was probably being irrational, but he couldn't help it. Ray had said he loved him, but would that make him faithful to Fraser only? Was Ray even aware that he would be expected to remain faithful? Ray would probably say he was obsessing again, but he couldn't help it. 

        "How little, Ray?" he found himself asking. 

        Ray's gaze shot up to meet his, puzzled. "I dunno, we were workin' hard, we needed a break and grabbed a bit while we could, why?" 

        "A bit of what?" 

        Ray stared at him. His eyes narrowed suddenly. "Stew, Fraser," he stated, cautiously. "What did you think I meant?" 

        "I wasn't sure, that's why I was asking," Fraser returned taking another mouthful of stew to prevent any further words from escaping and digging him deeper in the hole he had made for himself. 

        Ray tossed his spoon into his bowl in disgust and rose from the table, abruptly. "That's sick, Fraser! You think I was here humpin' Dalmar while you were out picking up Bonnie? Have you seen that guy lately? He's like something from the X-Files for cryin' out loud!" 

        Fraser was immediately contrite and rose to soothe his partner. He longed for the times when he could keep his feelings and comments to himself, but Ray had crawled passed his defenses long ago and the Mountie was helpless to keep anything from him. Which usually ended up in Fraser's bad attempts to say what was on his mind and getting him in even worse trouble with his partner. 

        "I wasn't implying anything, Ray," he assured, knowing it was a lie but needing to save face. 

        Ray waved his arms, furiously. "Fraser! I. Am. Not. Into guys! I don't like men that way..." He paused at Fraser's wounded expression. "I...I mean I like you that way but...but no other guys, Fraser." 

        "Ray, if you have an attraction for one than you cannot help but be attracted to others as well, it's human nature," Fraser insisted, logically, hiding his pain through his usual manners and decorum. 

        "I never said I could explain it, Fraser," Ray growled. "Hell, if I could explain any of this...whatever this is that's been happening maybe I wouldn't feel so helpless." 

        Fraser blinked then lowered his eyes. "I wasn't aware you felt that way, Ray. Perhaps it would be better if..." 

        "Shut up!" Ray ordered, stepping up and covering Fraser's mouth with his hand. "I swear Fraser, I swear to God if you suggest I leave one more time I will-I swear I will and I'll stay gone. Is that what you want? You want me to leave " 

        Fraser's eyes widened and he shook his head, emphatically, since he could not reply with Ray's hand over his mouth. Of course he didn't want his partner to leave; he'd be lost if Ray wasn't here. He was only trying to do what was best for Ray and his intentions were all coming out the wrong way. 

        "Is that it, Fraser?" Ray's voice had dropped to a dangerous growl. His palm remained over the Mountie's mouth. "Do you figure if you say it often enough I'll finally take the hint? Ya want me to go away-'cause I can." He snapped his fingers. "Like that, buddy and I'm out of here. I got a whole life waitin' for me back in Chicago-I don't need to be here with you-get me?" 

        Fraser mumbled something against Ray's hand but Ray was too far enraged to listen. 

        Fraser's accusation that Ray would have sex with another guy, out of spite for this morning, was the straw that broke the detective's back. He'd tried to be subtle with the Mountie. He tried being direct. Ray tried being loving and gentle and even exasperated, but nothing could convince Fraser that he wanted to be with him. 

        Ray was still trying to deal with his own feelings for Fraser. He didn't have the patience or the will to help the Mountie deal as well. He couldn't keep reassuring Fraser or what he felt, because he hadn't yet worked it all out himself. He admitted he was in love with Fraser, no other emotion could screw with your mind and body the way love could and Stan was definitely on a roller coaster ride lately. He wanted Fraser, emotionally and physically, and so he could admit that too. 

         Ray was still a little scared about the changes that had come over him and what they meant. He didn't yet feel ready for certain things, like what Fraser had tried in the shower.  It wasn't the Mountie's fault it was Ray's. His mind was messing with him, telling him it was acceptable to suck another guy's cock, and have it done to you. Yet, to take it up the ass meant you were a fag, a degenerate, Ray didn't know what exactly it would make him, only that it would change him even more from the person he was. He'd told Stella he was finally comfortable in his own skin, now he didn't know whose skin that was. 

        Fraser was always the one who had all the answers. Fraser was the one that was always so sure about everything and so willing to accept things that others considered out of the ordinary. Fraser was out of the ordinary, so it was easier for him to except things or people that were different. 

        However, Ray was getting frustrated having to reassure the Mountie every five minutes that he did want to be with him. There was only one way left to prove that Ray wanted to stay and that he wanted to be Ben's friend and lover. 

        He took a step forward and Fraser automatically stepped back to maintain his balance. Seconds later, Fraser was backed up against the outside wall to their bedroom with Ray's hard body pressed against his; Fraser's mouth still encumbered by his partner's hand. 

        Suddenly, Ray's hand was replaced by his mouth and Fraser inhaled sharply at the contact. He could feel Ray's arousal against his own and was unable to prevent his hips rocking forward to increase their intimacy. Fraser's arms crept around Ray's body on their own volition. 

        Ray retaliated with a bone crushing embrace of his own as he continued to explore Fraser's mouth, hungrily. He felt like he was about to burst out of jeans from their sweet friction was causing but he couldn't stop now if he wanted too. All other thoughts, all other self incriminations were banished by the incredible feel or being in Fraser's arms. 

        "I don't want to leave, Fraser," Ray whispered when they were forced to part for air. His hands continued to roam the Mountie's body. "There's nothing for me in Chicago, nothin' I want. Ask me to stay, Ben, ask me and I will, forever." 

        Fraser moaned in sweet desire. "Stay, oh please, stay, Ray," he gasped as Ray's hands found their way inside his jeans. "The bedroom, Ray, Bonnie might....she might wake up." 

        Ray nodded and they both stumbled inside their room and closed the door. They stripped each other quickly and met on the bed. Ray claimed Fraser's mouth again, unable to get enough of the sweet taste of the Mountie. They continued to grind their sensitive flesh together in slow deliberation. 

        "I'd never betray you that way, Ben," Ray insisted, huskily as Fraser rolled them over and attacked his partner's throat and shoulders vigorously. "I don't want any... ahhhh... any other guys or...hmmmmm...or w...women." 

        "Not even Stella?" Fraser couldn't help asking as his partner writhed beneath his touch. 

        "Stella who?" Ray sighed as Fraser kissed his way down his body. "God! Oh God ya make me feel so good, Ben, so damn good-it's incredible!" 

        "Oh, Ray," Fraser moaned and took Stan's erection into his mouth. He was prepared for his partner's initial thrust and quickly pinned Ray's hips to the bed so he could maintain control. 

        Determined to make up for his reprehensible behavior from this morning, Fraser licked and nipped his way up and across Ray's swollen shaft, then down over his balls. Ray released a cat like whimper and again tried to thrust upwards to regain the Mountie's mouth. Fraser pulled his hand around and started to stroke his partner as his tongue continued its journey down. Ray bucked against him when Fraser's tongue found what he had been looking for. 

        "Fraser!" Ray gasped, shocked, frightened and aroused, simultaneously. "Wh...what are you doing?" 

        Fraser licked at him again and Ray threw his head back in silent torment as Fraser moved in and stuck his tongue all the way inside his partner's hole. Ray wanted to hate it, should have been disgusted by it, yet he found himself bracing his feet flat on the bed and raising upwards, deepening the Mountie's contact. 

        "Christ! Oh God what is...?" 

        Fraser slowly inserted one finger and felt Ray contract against him. If Ray told him to stop he would, but for now his partner was allowing the Canadian's exploration. He rotated his finger and his tongue until Ray's hole was glistening wet from his saliva and Stan was moaning helplessly beneath him. 

        "Do you like this, Ray?" he inquired, his voice deep with barely restrained passion. "Do you want me to stop?" 

        "Yes," Ray's reply was automatic, but a moment later he spoke again. "No. I...I don't know I just..." 

        Fraser crawled back up over him and again started to grind their cocks together. 

        "Whatever you want, Ray," Fraser murmured as he rode the wave of exquisite sensation that his partner's body was inflicting.  "I won't do...ahhh...any...anything you don't want." 

        Ray moaned and caught Fraser in a deep throated, mind-blowing kiss. He'd never been this excited, not even with Stella. That was an accomplishment in itself, since sex with Stella had been the closest thing to paradise Ray had ever experienced. His hips had a mind of their own as he continued to move against Fraser and felt his organ cry for release. 

        "You like this?" Fraser growled into Ray's mouth as they continued grinding their bodies, slick with perspiration, together. "Is this what you want, Ray?" 

        "Yes," Ray moaned, returning the kiss eagerly while trying to focus long enough to form words. "Mmmm, yah, Ben, this is it. This is...mmmmm, that really...aaah... butters my muffin, buddy." 

        Fraser smirked. "Do you want me to stop, Ray?" he found himself asking, still worried about Ray's earlier reaction. 

        Ray shook his head so hard that Fraser heard his neck pop. 

         Fraser massaged his partner's neck with the palm of his hand. "Did that hurt?" he inquired mildly amused. 

         Ray grinned and pulled him back in for a kiss. "Did what hurt?" he retorted, trying to claim Fraser's mouth once more. 

        Fraser had other ideas, however, and he dipped his head to pull one of Ray's nipples into his mouth. Ray arched against him, surprised and Fraser flicked his tongue against the sensitive nub. After a few minutes of that, leaving Ray weak-kneed and craving more, 

        "Suck me!" he finally cried, urgently. "God please!" 

        Fraser didn't hesitate, he moved quickly to engulf his partner's erection, glad for the treat. 

        "Wait!" Ray protested, weakly and Fraser paused and released him. Forming words seemed impossible at this stage but Ray managed because it was important. "What about you? You...you have to...to...together, Ben. I want it done together." 

        Fraser needed no further encouragement and quickly positioned himself opposite of the way Ray lay on the bed, as Ray moved down to accommodate him. Once more, he was presented with Ray's dripping cock directly in front of him, and reached for what his partner was offering. Fraser's hips rocked forward as he felt Ray's mouth close over his hardened organ and he moaned in contentment. He pulled Ray's cock into his mouth and started to suck his partner like Stan was the sweetest candy. 

        The vibration of Ray's moans of appreciation around Fraser's cock was almost the Mountie's undoing-but he was trying to wait so they could reach their orgasms together. He increased his pace and fondled Ray's balls with his free hand. 

        "Mmmmrranph!" Ray exclaimed as his hips rocked frantically on the bed, fucking Fraser's mouth with hard, urgent thrusts. He tried to calm his movements, not wanting to choke his partner, but Fraser would squeeze his ass or balls or wiggle that talented tongue of his to encourage Ray further. 

        That's it, Ray, he urged silently, even as he felt his own orgasm surge forward through his cock. He wanted Ray to cum, more than anything, with a mind blowing orgasm. He tried to pull out when he was close, knowing Ray was not prepared to swallow, but his partner's movements were fast and frenetic and Fraser could no longer control his own thrusts into Ray's mouth. 

        He started to warn Ray, but then his mouth was filled with warm, salty liquid and he was forced to swallow to avoid choking. He felt his own release flood Ray's mouth and again tried to pull back, but Ray surprised him by swallowing all of it and continuing to lick at Fraser's cock. 

        "Uuunnngghhh," Fraser protested and pulled out. There was only so much he could feel at once and his throbbing cock was incredibly sensitive now. "My God!" 

        "Mmmmmmm," was Ray's response as he flopped on his back, spent. "My God Book two." 

        They both started to laugh. 

        "What the hell are we doing, Fraser?" Ray sighed, his tone filled with a baffled amusement. 

        "Playing it by ear, as you suggested," Fraser returned smiling. 

        Ray managed to pull himself around so he was facing Fraser again. He leaned in and kissed the Mountie, tenderly. 

        "This is so fucked up," he sighed, settling against his partner and cuddling into Fraser's chest. "How can we be feeling this way?" 

        "I'll have to pass on that one, my friend," Fraser commented, running his fingers through Ray's hair, absently. 

        Ray reared up in horror. "My God! Something you don't have an answer for!" 

        Fraser hit him with one of the pillows and Ray laughed. 

         Diefenbaker scratching at the door caught their attention and Fraser rose to pull on his jeans and allow the animal inside. Instead of crossing the threshold however, Diefenbaker released a series of whines and looked behind him toward Bonnie's room. 

         "I'll be right back, Ray," he assured and followed Dief out. 

         Ray rose and quickly dressed, concerned that something was wrong with their new charge. As an after thought he grabbed a flannel shirt out of the closet for Fraser. He stepped outside the room and across the main portion of the cabin to check on the little girl. He quietly pulled the blanket at the doorway aside and looked in. 

         Fraser had brought the lamp from the living room inside and was crouched beside the cot, speaking quietly and in reassuring tones. Bonnie was sitting up and stroking Diefenbaker who had curled up beside her, protectively. 

         "You're all right now," Fraser told her, gently. "You're at our home. You fell asleep on the way here and I didn't want to wake you." 

         "I was frightened," she admitted, quietly. "Nothing smells familiar here and it...it was so quiet." 

         "She okay?" Ray asked from the doorway and her head turned toward him. 

         "Is that my hero?" she inquired softly. Her accent seemed more pronounced than before, perhaps because she was still dealing with everything that had happened and being in a new place. 

        Fraser smiled as his partner's cheeks turned a bright pink. 

        "Yes, that is my partner,  you rememeber him as Stan, but everyone calls him Ray," he informed when Ray declined to answer. "You remember him don't you?" 

        Bonnie nodded. "Are you angry that I am here?" she inquired, shyly of both of them. 

        "Of course not," Fraser assured, quickly. "We're delighted to have you. You'll have to patient with us, however. Neither Ray or I have had much experience with young women your age." 

        "I am blind," she stated. "I will be a burden." 

        "That's crap," Ray insisted, suddenly moving toward her as he tossed Fraser the shirt. Fraser could have put it more delicately than he, but Ray wasn't about to let her think they didn't want her here; she had enough on her plate to worry about. 

        Fraser rose and allowed his partner to settle in his place, watching Ray pat her hand, awkwardly when she reached for him. 

        "You're not a burden to us, you're a blessing, Bonnie," he said, firmly. "Don't you ever think anything different, okay? Fraser and me, well...we may not know a lot about how to take care of ya, but we're good at learnin' so you'll just have to speak up and tell us what ya need, that's all. Can you do that?" 

        Bonnie's stared at Ray so hard that it was difficult to believe that she could not see. Finally, she nodded, slowly. 

        "You are both very good to...to do this I...I just do not wish to be in the way." 

        "Nah, you won't be in the way," Ray explained. "But, there isn't a lot to do up here, me and Fraser just kinda hang out most of the time. If you get bored or there's something ya want to do you have to tell us, okay?" 

        Bonnie nodded. "May I ask you to...to show me your home then?" 

        Ray stood and pulled her covers back, helping her to her feet. He handed her off to Fraser who immediately took Bonnie's hand and placed it on his forearm. 

        "I'll let Fraser show ya," Ray offered. "I'll get you lost." 

        Bonnie almost smiled, but her great sadness prevented it from completely forming. 

        Ray realized he would have to try harder to help the girl rid herself of that particular burden. Fraser walked with her, first around her room, then around the cabin. He told her where things were in relation to the direction she was facing. Ray followed but stayed out of the way, as did Diefenbaker, as if sensing the girl's handicap and not wishing to be underfoot. 

        "We have no electricity here, Bonnie," Fraser was explaining as he held Bonnie's hand a few feet from the stove so she could feel the heat, but not get burned touching it. "This wood stove is what we use for cooking and to heat the cabin in general." 

        He had allowed her to touch the grill of the fireplace, so she would know not to step any further and find herself in the fire itself. Of course, Fraser and Ray only lit the fireplace when the mood struck or when it was very cold outside for added warmth. 

        "It is a small home, yes?" she inquired. 

        "Yes, but more than enough for Ray, Dief and myself," he added a smile to his tone. "And for you as well now." 

        "Probably not what you're used to, huh?" Ray asked her from his relaxed position against the wall of the kitchen. 

        "Our home was big yes," Bonnie agreed, as she paused and reached in the direction of his voice. "But this is nice too. It will be less to remember." 

        Ray pushed off the wall and allowed her to touch him, so she could connect a body with the voice. 

        "I promise not to move the furniture around on ya when you're not lookin'," he offered then cursed himself for being so insensitive. He hadn't meant to say that, but he was nervous about having her here and as usual he hid behind sarcasm. He glanced at Fraser in concern. Both men looked down at Bonnie who had grown still. 

        "Thank you," she returned, quietly and her lips held a ghost of a smile. "My Papa used to threaten to do that with me if I was bad, but Mama said he was only playing with me." 

        "I didn't mean it either, Bonnie," Ray said, remorsefully. "I...you'll have to ignore me, my...my mouth takes control sometimes and I don't ever know what's gonna come out. I'm really sorry." 

        "It is all right," she told him. "If you did such a thing I would just have to ask Fraser to take away your candy." 

        Ray frowned. "My candy?" He exchanged a puzzled glance with Fraser, who returned his stare, blankly. "I don't have any candy." Well, he had some Smarties in the cupboard for his coffee but how would she know about those? 

        Bonnie frowned. "I...I thought...I guess I misunderstood. You smell like peppermints, I thought you were eating candy." 

        Fraser was hard pressed not to smile at Ray's confusion, since the Mountie had also noticed that particular scent seemed to linger on his partner. 

        "Um....maybe it was my gum," he offered, scratching his head. However, he wasn't chewing any right now, so that didn't make sense either. Still, he had to explain it, somehow. He noticed Fraser's eyes were sparkling wickedly and reminded himself to grill the Mountie later about what he found so amusing. 

        "Oh," was all Bonnie offered. 

        Needing the focus to be taken off him, Ray said. "What does Fraser smell like?" 

        "Soap, I think," she decided. "Leather and..." she paused. "Something else I cannot place." 

        "Snow," Ray supplied before he could stop himself. He lowered his eyes away from the Mountie's intense stare. "Or...or maybe something like that." 

        Bonnie nodded. "Yes, like winter," she agreed. 

        Fraser smiled and continued to show her the rest of the cabin. 

_____________

  
  


        Ray rolled over in his sleep and felt Fraser immediately adjust his position to curl into his back and toss and arm over his hip. It was amazing how comfortable it felt to share the bed as lovers and not just friends. There wasn't a great difference in their sleeping patterns, of course, but each seemed particularly sensitive to the other's movements now and adjusted accordingly to stay close. Not something they did before their relationship changed.  They each tended to stay to their own sides. 

        Ray heard a strange sound through his heavy fog of sleep and then a low growl. His eyes fluttered open and he sat up. 

        Another growl sounded and Ray carefully rose from the bed, trying not to disturb Fraser, as he pulled on his jeans.  He retrieved the lamp from Fraser's side of the bed, since Ray's table was now in Bonnie's room, and lit the wick. He grabbed his gun from the top shelf in their closet and headed into the main room of the cabin. 

        He found Bonnie, standing on the floor in the kitchen, quietly crying. A glass lay shattered at her feet in a small pool of milk and Diefenbaker was pressing against her legs in warning to keep her from moving and cutting her bare feet on the glass. 

        Ray pushed his gun behind him into the waist band of his jeans, and set the lamp on the kitchen counter. 

        "Bonnie," he said, gently, not wanting to startle her, as he stepped around the mess, since he was also in his bare feet, and pulled her up into his arms. "Careful, kiddo there's glass there." 

        "I...I am s...sorry," she hiccuped as he set her on the chair and then moved to retrieve the broom and dustpan. "I...I was thirsty I...I did not mean to...to make a mess." 

        It was very strange to listen to a young girl that did not use any sort of slang or contractions in her speech, but Ray was slowly getting used to it. He suspected Bonnie had led a sheltered life both in Russia and Canada, perhaps due to her parent's status and her blindness. 

        "It's okay," Ray assured, quickly as he took care of the shards of glass and mopped up the milk with a towel. 

        This was why he had been concerned about the child coming to live with them, what if he hadn't woken up and she had cut herself? Thank God Diefenbaker had become her shadow and would try and protect her. 

        "I...I did not mean to wake you," she offered, wiping at her cheeks with a shaky hand. 

         Ray was relieved to see her cry, for whatever reason. She needed to release some of her grief. 

        "I'll get ya a drink, don't worry about it," he assured, quickly retrieving another glass and reaching for the milk on the counter. "Here ya go." He handed her the milk and she accepted it with trembling hands. "Are ya cold, honey? Do ya need some extra blankets on your bed or..." 

        "No...no thank you," she declined, sipping her milk and trying to regain her composure. "M...May I ask...." She shook her head. 

        "What?" Ray encouraged. "You promised to tell us what ya needed, Bonnie, so com'on-fess up." 

        "May I sleep with you, Ray?" she finally inquired. "I...I cannot seem to sleep alone it....I am not familiar to this place." 

        Ray was surprised by the request. He'd been a cop for a long time and he knew it was frowned on for a young girl, Bonnie's age, to be sleeping in a bed with a grown man not her Father-especially two grown men. But, they weren't in Chicago and there wasn't anything nefarious about the request. He and Fraser would certainly not do anything to harm her or make her feel uncomfortable and Bonnie was too naive to cause trouble as some young girls did, just because they could. Ray could certainly understand her fear and discomfort. 

        "Sure ya can," he finally decided, hoping he was making thw right choice. "If you think it will make ya feel better. Fraser snores though, so I hope you're a sound sleeper." 

        "Do you...you and he sleep together in one bed?" she inquired and Ray bit his lip. 

        "Um...yah." Would Bonnie start asking questions now that Ray might not have the answers for? 

        "Will there be enough room for me?" 

        Ray grinned in relief. "Oh sure, the bed's pretty big and you'll have a better bed tomorrow to sleep in yourself- I know that cot isn't very comfortable." 

        Bonnie nodded and finished off her drink. 

        Ray put the glass in the sink and the milk back in the cooler. He took her hand and retrieved the lamp and then led her back to his and Fraser's room. 

        Fraser was awake and sitting up. 

        "Are you all right, Bonnie?" he inquired, softly and watched Bonnie shyly move closer to Ray. 

        "She wants to sleep with us, Ben," Ray explained, cautiously, knowing his friend would also understand why he was wary. "That okay?" 

        "Of course," Fraser assured and quickly rose to pull on his shorts and a T-shirt to cover his nudity, even though the child could not see him. "Is your bed uncomfortable, Bonnie?" 

        "I...I am just..." Bonnie shook her head, too shy to finish as Ray pulled back the covers and helped her to climb inside. 

        "She just wants to sleep with us, Fraser," Ray said pointedly as he put his gun away and handed the lamp to Fraser. 

        Fraser nodded. 

        "Well, we welcome the company," the Mountie assured as he waited for Bonnie to settle in the middle of the bed before he and Ray shucked his jeans and also pulled on shorts and a T-shirt, then got in on either side of her. Diefenbaker jumped up and curled up at her feet. 

        Ray chuckled. "I think we're about as full as we can get now, buddy." 

        "Indeed," Fraser agreed and blew out the lamp. 

        "Thank you both," Bonnie offered, already half asleep. 

         Ray was surprised when she immediately curled into him. He exchanged a quiet glance with Fraser and wrapped his arm around her. Fraser smiled and placed his hand over Ray's, which rested on Bonnie's hip. 

________________

        Bonnie adjusted rather well to life at the cabin. She learned where things were pretty quickly and Fraser had tied a small leash to Diefenbaker, so that he could take her for a walk around the property without her getting lost. She started to feel more comfortable around the two men and began selecting chores for herself to do. 

        She always did the dishes, regardless of Ray and Fraser's protests. She wanted to earn her keep. She would help Ray take care of the animals and his baby hawks. She would sit and listen while Fraser read to her whenever she asked him too. Ray took her for rides on Malaki and she would help goom the horse as well. Fraser showed her a way to tell each of the sled dogs apart. 

        Ira had delivered her bed arrived a week ago and Fraser and Ray had quickly set it up.  Jayad had come with him to deliver Maggie's jeep and also her horse Morningstar, for them to care for 

        Ray had also put stone borders on their bedroom, bathroom and the two doors exiting the cabin, in a particular pattern so Bonnie could tell them apart easier. Although, she had the layout of the cabin memorized, she had been touched by his thoughtfulness. 

        Fraser had managed to find a Braille labeler in town and he labeled all of their foods as well as the cupboards in the kitchen for what dishes went where. The Mountie also picked up a mail order catalogue that had books, Braille writers and games for the blind, which he had ordered a few things from for Bonnie's enjoyment. 

         Because it was so incredibly quiet for the young girl, Ray had hooked up his stereo again and would leave it on for her at night to give her something to listen to. She did not ask to sleep with the men again, nor did she break any more glasses. 

         Diefenbaker followed her everywhere and divided his time between her bed and Fraser and Ray's bed. The men would leave their door open for either the wolf or Bonnie to find them if needed. This made Ray nervous about staying naked after he and Fraser fooled around, so they had reverted to sleeping with their shorts on at least. 

        Ray was out chopping wood when Bonnie stepped outside. She had memorized the distance from the cabin to the barn in front and from the cabin to where Ray chopped the wood in back. Ray was careful to toss the logs in a small pile near him, for when Bonnie wanted to help stack them. He tried to give her every opportunity to do as she wanted and help out, but he still worried about her getting hurt. 

        "Hey, kiddo," he greeted. He split the log he had braced on the stump and tossed it onto the pile. "I'm almost done here, ya wanna go for a ride in a few minutes?" 

        He was surprised when Bonnie shook her head. Usually, the girl enjoyed their rides together. He frowned and imbedded the ax in the stump, then walked over to crouch beside her. 

        "You feeling okay?" he inquired, concerned and automatically touched her forehead; she didn't feel too warm. "Anything wrong?" 

        "May we go into town?" she inquired, so softly that he had to strain to hear her. 

        "What for?" he asked. "Did you need something?" 

        "I..." she lowered her head, embarrassed. "I...I have to...to get...I have begun my...." 

        Ray stared at her, confused. 

        "What honey?" 

        "I..." her voice dropped to a bare whisper. "I have become a woman." 

        Her words went completely over Ray head for a few seconds and then suddenly he realized what she meant. 

        "Holy shit!" he exclaimed, then was immediately contrite. "I...I mean, crap, I...I didn't mean to swear I just...I...FRASER!" 

        Fraser came running out, anxiously. "What is it, Ray?" 

        "Bonnie's...um...she's got it, Fraser!" Ray babbled. "The...the thing...the...the woman thing...Fraser, she's...she's started her...um...her....time." 

        Fraser smirked at his friend's embarrassment and panic. He nodded and turned Bonnie toward him. "Ahh, well than I suppose you will need some supplies. Mrs. Senesque anticipated that you would be starting soon so I already have some materials for you, Bonnie." 

        Bonnie's face brightened in relief and embarrassment. 

        "Oh thank you," she whispered, gratefully. "I...I was...My Mama told me all about this when...when the time came but I...I was asking Ray to take me into town for the things she said I would need." 

        "No need, we have some here," Fraser assured as Ray watched, bewildered. "However, I think we shall go into town tomorrow morning if you are you to it. I've received a call from the authorities there and they have received some of your things from your home; your parent's lawyer sent them up along with some money from their estate." 

        Fraser did not elaborate how much money, but the eleven year old girl had inherited a vast fortune. The reading of the will had left everything to her and her aunt Astasia as her guardian. With her aunt gone, the family lawyer had run a security check on Fraser and Ray. Having received only the best news on both of them, the man decided to release some of Bonnie's belongings and additional financial assistance. He would continue to search for a relative to take the girl as well. 

        "Oh, my things?" she asked, excited. "Oh that would be wonderful." 

        Fraser smiled and took her hand. "Let's get you taken care of first." 

        She nodded and followed as Ray shook his head in awe at the Mountie's ability to remain calm. 

______________

        They had sequestered the use of Maggie's jeep while they were caring for Bonnie, so the four piled in and headed for town. Ray was bringing his nest of birds in to be looked at by the town vet, who thought he might have found a sanctuary for them where they could be raised with other hawks. Ray hated to give them up, but he had to do what was best for them. There were certain things they needed to learn from their Mother or another hawk, that Ray couldn't teach them. 

        While Fraser took Bonnie to the authorities and to pick up the things that had been sent to her, Ray regretfully gave up Artemis' babies. It was almost like losing Artemis again, but he kept telling himself that this was what was best. He passed the skating pond on his way to meet Fraser at the town hall and decided to sit for a minute. He didn't want Bonnie or the Mountie to pick up on his foul mood. 

        Diefenbaker settled beside him, nudging his hands as if to say -hey, I'm still here. Ray petted him absently and stared off toward the horizon. Maybe he was just restless. He and Fraser hadn't had an assignment in a couple of months and the detective was anxious to do something other than hang out at the cabin. 

        Not that he didn't enjoy being with Fraser and Bonnie, but so many changes had happened the past few weeks, Ray needed a break from thinking so much-his brain was starting to hurt. Now would be a good time to start smoking, he thought ironically as he leaned back on his elbows against the bleachers and stared up at the bright blue sky through his shades. 

        God, he was tired, and he didn't know why. He wasn't sleeping the best, probably too worried about Bonnie being in the cabin. When he was awake he had hardly any of his usual energy. He wasn't eating as much either, it seemed he was getting heartburn almost every night and his stomach was in chaos. 

        He closed his eyes and continued to breathe deeply, trying to find that slice of inner piece that he had found momentarily in the sweat lodges a couple of weeks back. He heard the familiar cry of a bird of prey and his eyes flew open to find the shadow of a hawk circling in the sky above him. 

        "Artemis?" he whispered rising to his feet in wonder, but the moment he tried to focus on the bird, it was gone. 

        He dropped his head, sadly and shoved his hands into his pockets. Great, now he was seeing a dead bird. What more could go wrong with his sense of reality? 

        Suddenly, the bird crossed again over the sun and cast a large shadow across the pond where children were skating. Ray's heart leapt into his throat as he watched the shadow engulf one of the children in its wings. The child screamed. 

        Ray bolted awake and shot upwards on the bleachers. He glanced at the pond then toward the sky. It had been a dream. He had been dreaming of Artemis, or perhaps the spirit of the hawk. He heard the distinct cracking of the ice as if it was a gun shot going off next to him. He ran for the pond, yelling at the kids to get off. 

        One little native girl had slipped in her hurry and the ice gave away beneath her. Ray dove for her, sliding across the ice and catching her tiny hand in his. He pulled her from the freezing water and quickly backed away from the fragile ice surrounding them. 

        People had appeared along the unpaved street, from houses and store fronts to see what the commotion was about. Fraser was among them. The child's Mother gathered her little girl into her arms, profusely thanked Ray then hurried to get the child home and dried off. 

        "Ray, are you all right?" Fraser demanded worried. 

        Ray nodded and dropped back on the bleachers. His heart was in his throat, but he was okay. "I'm good, I'm fine," he returned. "I thought that ice was solid, Fraser?" 

        "It usually is but we have had some very warm weather lately, Ray," Fraser admitted. "They shouldn't have been allowed on it at all until it had been checked. They were very lucky you were here." 

        "Yah," Ray returned, remembering his dream, but unwilling to discuss it just yet. "That's me the _hero_." 

        "You say that as if it is a bad thing, Ray," Fraser scolded and helped his partner to his feet. "Com'on, Bonnie has retrieved her things and we're going to grab something to eat at the pub." 

        Ray nodded and followed, occasionally glancing up toward the sky as he walked; searching for something he knew would not be there. 

__________________

  
  


        The two way radio cackled and the tower operator from town called to them. 

        "Alpha base to Cross Creek, come in over." 

        Ray was stretched out on the floor with Bonnie, engrossed over one of her new Braille books. She was attempting to show him how to read the alphabet using the raised dots on the pages. 

        He rolled to his feet and hurried over to grab up the mike as he perched on the corner of the desk. Cross Creek was their signal name, since they were the only ones that lived between the desolation of Fortitude Pass and the dangerous ice flows of the Banahayla River. 

        "This is Cross Creek, go ahead Alpha Base, over," he instructed as Bonnie picked up her books and headed off to her room with Dief. Fraser paused and turned toward him, wiping his hands on a towel, from where he had been preparing their lunch. 

        "Hey, Ray is that you?" the operator asked and Ray grinned. 

        "No, it's Dief, he's practicing ventriloquism, what'da think?" 

        "I think you're a smart ass," she retorted amused. "I've got a call from your Mother, Barbara Kowalski." 

        Ray met Fraser's surprised gaze across the room as he tried to swallow the sudden panic rising inside him. His parents wouldn't be calling unless something was wrong. 

        "Um...p...put it through, Jenna," Ray requested quickly and a moment later his Mother's sweet voice came over the wire. 

        "Hello? How does this thing work, Damien? Hello? Stanley are you there?" 

        "I'm here, Mum," Ray assured. "Just talk normal, I'm receiving you okay. What's wrong?" 

        "What? Oh Stanley the reception is terrible. Damien I can't hardly hear him at all. Do you think he can hear me?" 

        Ray sighed in amusement, his fear that something was wrong with his folks, lessening somewhat. "Mum, just press the button on the base of the mike when you talk and release it when you want to hear me." 

        "Stanley! Hello, Stanley? Oh dear I think this is broken." 

        Fraser had joined Ray at the desk as his partner shook his head in exasperation. 

        "You're not doing it right, honey," Damien's deep voice insisted from the other end of the wire. "You have to let go of this thingy here so you can hear him. Hello, hello, son can you hear us now?" 

        "I hear you Dad," Ray acknowledged, grinning at Fraser. 

        Damien continued to talk, not realizing he was still holding the transmit button. "Ah, see there, Barbara, that's how it's done. Oh well, no, I've done the same thing you did." 

        "It isn't so easy now is it?" Barbara demanded, smugly. 

         There was a moment of static and silence, where someone probably showed them how to use the mike. Finally, Damien was speaking again. 

         "Okay, I have it now. Raymond are you still there, Son? Why the hell don't you have a phone for Christ's sake!" 

         "We're too far out, Dad," Ray chuckled. "I hear you fine now. What's going on? Are you both okay?" 

         "You see, I told you he would worry if we just called out of the blue," Barbara was telling Damien in the background. "If you talked to your son more often, he wouldn't be so worried to hear from us." 

         "Talk to him!" Damien insisted, again holding onto the mike, unawares. "He's out in the middle of the flippin' Arctic circle, Barbara!" 

         Fraser covered his giggles behind his hand as Ray hung his head in shame. They weren't quite that far North but it was useless to explain that to his Father. 

         "Stanley!" his Mother called again, having taken over the mike no doubt. "Sweetheart are you okay? Are you eating all right? How is your little friend, Benton?" 

         Little friend, Ray mouthed to Fraser, amused as he looked the Mountie up and down. He cleared his throat before pressing the mike. 

         "We're both fine, Mum," he assured, reaching out to swat at Fraser as he pretended to compare himself to Ray's height; a difficult task since Ray wasn't standing upright. "How are you and Dad? Are you both okay?" 

         "Oh, we're okay for a couple of old people," Barbara replied, finally getting the hang of the way the mike worked. "We miss you, Stanley." 

         Ray's expression softened and Fraser stopped teasing him. 

         "I miss you both, too," he told her sincerely. "Did you get my last letter?" 

         "Yes, yes we did and it was wonderful. I have it memorized, Stanley. I miss you so much, sweetheart, and so does Dad. That's why we've decided to come for a visit." 

         Ray stared at the mike in shock. He glanced at Fraser, who also looked taken aback. 

         "Stanley?" Barbara called, concerned when he didn't respond. "I think I broke this silly thing again. 

         "You're probably holding the mike wrong again, Barbara," Damien insisted. "Here, give it to me. Raymond? Son are you there?" 

         "I could have done that, Damien," she insisted in the background as Ray finally found his voice. 

         "I'm here, Dad," he confirmed. 

         "Oh, good. Did you hear your Mother then?" 

         "Um...yeah, yeah I heard her," Ray acknowledged. He just couldn't believe they were serious about coming. "Um...Dad, it's really not worth the trip. We're real far out and Mum can't handle the cold well and..." 

         "I've tried to tell her all of that, Son," Damien concurred. "You know your Mother when she gets an idea in her head, she's like a dog with a bone. She wants to come see you so we're flying in one week from today. I assume there's some kind of airport where you can pick us up or will we have to ride camel or something to your place?" 

         "They...that's the desert, Dad," Ray corrected. "We don't have camels in Canada, we have sled dogs." 

         "Well, whatever, you make the arrangements on your end. Here's your Mother again." 

         "Stanley? Is your friend with you?" 

         "You mean, Fraser, Mum?" 

         "Yes, can I speak with him too or is this only one way?" 

         Ray shook his head and handed the mike to Fraser, unwilling to explain to her that if the radio was one way, she wouldn't be able to hear him at all. 

         "Hello, Mrs. Kowalski, this is Constable Fraser," Fraser greeted, politely. 

         "Oh you're so polite, that's nice," Barbara offered. "Is our visiting all right with you, it is your home after all and we wouldn't wish to intrude." 

         "Tell her no it isn't all right!" Ray pleaded, pulling the mike away from Fraser's hands before he could reply. "Tell her no, Fraser, please." 

         "Ray, I most certainly will not refuse your Mother's request to visit," Fraser scolded. "They want to see you, how can you deny them?" 

         "Tell them no anyway," Ray begged. 

         "On what grounds?" 

         "There's no room." 

         "They can have our bed, it worked fine when Ray and Stella were here." 

         "Hello?" Barbara called. "Hello are you there?" 

         Fraser wrestled the mike from his partner's hands. 

         "Fraser, please," Ray insisted. "Tell them they can't come here! You don't understand..." 

          Fraser gave him a reproving look. "Ray you're being childish. They haven't seen you in a year and a half almost." 

         "Fraser, don't..." Ray began again but closed his mouth the moment Fraser's fingers pressed the transmit button on the mike. 

         "Forgive me, Mrs. Kowalski," he offered kindly, frowning at his partner. "There was some interference on the line. Of course you are both welcome to visit, although, I must warn you we lead a very humble existence here. There is no electricity, or stores." 

         "Oh I know all of that from Stanley's letters," Barbara assured, calmly. "We don't need much and we promise not to make pests of ourselves." 

         "Then we shall look forward to seeing you. If you will just call again and let us know the exact time and day we can meet you at the air field." 

         "Wonderful!" Barbara exclaimed, pleased. "Stanley, honey?" 

         Ray grabbed the mike that Fraser offered, sullenly. "I'm here, Mum." 

         "We'll see you soon sweetheart. We love you." 

         Ray swallowed. "I love you, too," he returned, with genuine affection. 

         "Okay well, under and over... Oh I mean over and up, no what was it? Oh yes, over and out Stanley! Kisses from us, Baby." 

         "Kisses back, Mum," Ray returned and set the mike on the desk. He leaned back, folded his arms across his chest and glared at Fraser. "Aren't you forgetting something, oh Accommodating One?" 

         Fraser scowled. "What?" 

         "This," Ray insisted, grabbing Fraser by the collar and hauling him in for a deep kiss. When they finally parted, Ray continued. "Vecchio saw it. Stella saw it, Mags, saw it, Fraser. Every freakin' person but us saw our attraction to each other-you think my folks won't?" 

         Fraser paled. "Oh dear." 

         Ray was reaching for him, again startled to find he wanted more already. He hadn't had this active a sex drive since he was married to Stella. Fraser was like that advertisement for some brand of potato chips, you couldn't just stop at one chip. Ray couldn't stop at one kiss. 

         "Kisses, Ben," he whispered as he rose to meet Fraser a second time. 

         "Kisses back," Fraser murmured into Ray's mouth. 

         They kissed and kissed and kissed for what seemed like forever, then finally parted and stared at each other. Ray blushed and grinned at the same time. 

_________________

  
  


         Fraser glanced up as the front door to Ira and Jayad's house opened and Ray and Ira stepped inside. He stared at his partner in a mixture of surprise and desire. 

        Ray had cut his hair short and now sported the deliciously wild look that had first attracted the Mountie to him. Dressed in his best jeans, black biker boots his leather waist coat and sun glasses, he now looked deliciously like the dangerously, arrogant crime fighter Fraser had met in Chicago. Fraser also detected the subtle scent of Ray's preferred cologne and he felt himself falling in love all over again. Not only did he look like the old Ray, he smelled like him too. 

        "Your hair!" Jayad screamed as he stepped out of the kitchen with his and Fraser's tea. "What did you do to your beautiful hair!" 

        Ray smirked as Ira rolled his eyes at his partner's dramatics. 

        "He sold it to a gypsy trader for three shillings," Ira teased as he grinned at Fraser. "Hello Fraser." 

        "Good morning, Ira," the Mountie returned easily, although he didn't quite like the way the native was smiling at Ray. He swallowed his jealousy and cursed himself for being so suspicious. 

        "Doesn't he look good enough to eat?" Ira grinned, as he stepped behind Ray and pulled his jacket off him to hang up in the hall closet. "I thought I was going to have a stroke when he told me he was going to have it cut, but his mind was made up." 

        Ray shrugged and settled on the love seat next to Fraser, as Jayad finally recovered from his shock and offered the Mountie his cup of tea. "I can't see my folks lookin' like a throw back from the sixties," he explained. 

        "Hey!" Both Ira and Jayad exclaimed in offense. 

        "Not you guys," Ray chuckled. "You keep it long so you can do your tribe dancin' and stuff. I'm just a Polish guy from Chicago, nothing in my heritage says I'm supposed to have long hair." He shrugged again and took a sip of the tea Fraser offered him. "Besides, my Dad would have a fit." He made a face and handed the cup back to his partner. "That's just nasty, Fraser." 

        "It's a new sage tea that Jayad has discovered," Fraser explained, mildly. "I quite like it." 

        "Ugg," Ray replied and glanced up at Ira, who was leaning on the back of the love seat behind them. "Where's the coffee ya promised me, Crow Head?" 

        "Still in the pot, Blondie," Ira retorted, then added sweetly. "Wanna accompany me to the kitchen and see if we can find something hot enough for you?" 

        Fraser willed his face to remain passive as he sipped his tea, and tried to ignore the remark. Ira's flirting had never bothered him before; the native was always trying to get a rise out of Ray one way or the other, by trying to anger him or embarrass him. 

        Ray held his own, which only encouraged Ira to try harder. The native's flirting seemed more blatant now that Ray had admitted he was attracted to Fraser, which increased the Mountie's feelings of suspicion and jealousy. Before, the Mountie assumed nothing would ever come of Ira's attempts, now he was not so sure. 

        "We'd be in there a long time lookin'," Ray commented grinning. "Nothing's too hot for me." 

        "I bet I could find a thing or two that could light your fire," Ira promised, tugging at Ray's shorter hair, playfully. 

        Fraser's grip tightened on his cup and he cleared his throat, resisting the urge not to slap Ira's hands away from his partner. Jayad noticed the Mountie's stiffened posture and brooding look and rose to his feet. 

        "Come help me in the kitchen, Ira," he requested. "I'll help you find the coffee." 

        Ira grinned and walked over to his lover, kissing his cheek affectionately. "Best offer I've had all day, Luv." 

        Once they were alone, Ray gave Fraser's thigh a friendly slap. "You okay with me cutting my hair or what?" 

        "It's your hair, Ray," Fraser returned, politely. 

        Ray scowled. "It's your hair, Ray," he mimicked, sarcastically. "I know it's my hair, Fraser-I'm askin' if you're okay with it this way." 

        "I've always thought your hair was very attractive, Ray," Fraser offered, trying to take the sting out of his voice. "It's appealing any way you wear it, but I have really no say in your choice of style." 

        It wasn't Ray's fault that he was jealous. Personally he had always thought himself above such childish emotions, but that apparently wasn't the case. 

        Ray made a face at him and did a sarcastic head jiggle, before grinning at him, amused. "What's got your bloomers in a knot, buddy? Someone insult the Queen or something?" 

        Fraser ignored his teasing. "Well, Ira certainly approves of your hair, so what difference should it make what I say?" 

        Ray stared at him. He blinked as comprehension dawned and he started laughing. "Oh My Lord." He was laughing so hard he fell sideways across Fraser's lap. 

        "I don't see what's so amusing," the Mountie insisted, annoyed, pushing Ray off him. 

        "You think...." Ray sputtered and started to laugh again. "My God, Fraser! First Grizzly now..." 

        Fraser rolled his eyes and felt his own lips twitch as his partner struggled to control his laughter by reverting to a fit of giggles. 

        Finally, he started to compose himself and wiped the tears from his eyes. "God, Fraser! Not that I'm not flattered ya think I'm such a Stud Muffin and all these people are after me, but...." He chuckled again. "Ira's a nice guy and all, a good friend, but thinkin' of him and me doin' the wild thing together is enough to make my skin crawl!" He started laughing again. "And thinkin' of it with Grizzly would put me in a coma!" 

        Fraser smirked and turned his eyes away, ashamed of himself but amused by Ray's reaction. 

        "I'm thrilled that I am such a great source of amusement for you, Ray," he retorted, curtly. 

        "Aw," Ray giggled and patted Fraser's shoulders. "Don't be that way, I just think it's funny. I never had anyone jealous of me before," He chuckled. "Especially not over another guy." He caught Fraser's chin and forced the Mountie to turn and face him. "Com'ahn, give us a kiss." 

        "I don't want to," Fraser refused stubbornly and folded his arms across his chest, childishly. "I don't think this is at all funny, Ray. Ira is entirely too...too...I don't approve of his behavior and nor should Jayad, I imagine." 

        "It never bothered ya before," Ray reminded grinning. "You used to encourage it, as I recall." 

        "That was entirely different," Fraser protested. 

        "No, it's exactly the same, Ben," Stan insisted, gently. "I don't feel any different about Ira now than I did then. The only thing that has changed is you, so lighten up." 

        Fraser shrugged and lowered his eyes again. 

        Ray caught Fraser's chin a second time and leaned in to steal a kiss. Fraser responded after only a moments hesitation. They broke apart at the sound of Jayad clearing his throat. Ray straightened in his seat, moving ever so slightly away from the Mountie and missing the hurt look Fraser shot him. 

        "Aw, and me without my Kodack camera to catch these precious moments," Ira teased as he handed Ray a cup of coffee. 

        Ray shook his head and smiled at Jayad, who had settled on the matching sofa opposite them. "You need to put him on a leash, ya know that?" 

        "Oh but he enjoys that too much, it's no good for discipline," Jay informed with a wave of his hand. 

        Ray raised an eyebrow at Ira. "You're one sick puppy, Buddy." 

        "This from a guy who's still afraid of his parents," Ira retorted. 

        Ray protested. "I'm not afraid of them!" He glanced at Fraser and Jayad, sheepishly.  "I just...I'm protective of them. I don't wanna shock 'em or anything, y'know?" 

        "I think you're worried for nothing, Ray," Fraser assured. "Your parents will probably be so thrilled to see you they'll forget about everything else. Besides, they'll also have Bonnie to keep them busy." 

        Ray scowled. "Um...we probably shouldn't tell my folks about what happened to Bonnie, Fraser." 

        "What shall you tell them, "Jayad insisted, wryly. 'That you found her under a rock, she followed you home and you both decided to keep her?" 

        "No, just...I don't wanna tell them all the details that's all," Ray denied. "They'll worry and..." 

        "Ray, your parents are not children, I thought you had learned that?" Fraser scolded, mildly. "I'm sure they'll accept Bonnie's situation with the same decorum their son has." 

        "Now I'm worried," Ira scoffed. 

         Ray shot him a warning glare before turning back to Jayad. 

        "Look, I know my folks, okay?" he insisted, firmly. "You tell my Mum Bonnie was in a plane crash and lost her folks she'll feel really bad. You tell her I was hangin' off a cliff to rescue the kid and she'll have a stroke. I don't want to worry her." 

        "Then perhaps we'll omit that part," Fraser suggested, kindly. 

        "What a load of crap," Ira tossed as he settled next to Jayad, who gave him a smack on the thigh for being rude and a kiss at the same time. "I think you just don't want to sound like you're bragging to your folks. What's wrong, are you afraid they might be proud of you or something?" 

        "My Dad wouldn't be proud he'd be callin' me a fool for riskin' my neck!" Ray stated, his voice rising in anger. "Just like when I became a cop-he said it was because I wanted to go out and be some stupid hero. Well, I'm not gonna give him any other reason to make him think he's son's a fool or insane, so shut the hell up and mind your own business!" 

        A lesser man would have shut up and been instantly apologetic in the face of Ray's anger, but Ira was just as strong willed as the American and he cared too much to keep quiet. 

        "So what?" he challenged and ignored the warning poke in the ribs Jayad gave him. "Are you going to let what your Father thinks rule everything you do and keep you from doing what you want? You're a grown up for God's sake, act your age and don't be so stupid!" 

        Ray bolted to his feet, luckily he had set his cup down on the table beside him a moment before, or it would have spilled onto the floor. 

        "Don't call me stupid!" he warned. "I'll take a lot of shit from you, Ira, but don't you push it." 

        Ira rose as well, eager to up the ante with Kowalski, as he always did. "What do you plan to tell them about you and Fraser? Are you going to tell them the truth or are you going to lie about that too? You are such a coward, Kowalski. Come out of the closet for God's sake, I did." 

        "Ira, no..." Jayad pleaded, reaching for his lover's arm in warning. 

        "Me and Fraser are none of their business," Ray growled, menacingly. "And I already told you that I'm not like you. I don't care how you live but don't push that life on me, I don't want it!" 

        "You're living it!" Ira insisted, bravely feeding off Ray's anger. "You and Fraser are lovers now, you can't deny that; it's written all over both of you. You fucked another guy-that makes your life just like mine and Jay's and there's nothing wrong with that." 

        Fraser was too appalled to catch Ray before he struck and a moment later Jayad was trying to pick Ira up off the floor. 

        "I haven't fucked, Fraser," Ray informed coldly, pointing down at him in warning. "I told you to keep your fag fantasies to yourself, I won't say it again. We are different, because I don't want to fuck any other guys, Ira-that's what makes us different. I'm not gay, I'm not like you-you get me?" 

        Ira smirked and wiped the blood from his mouth, hiding his hurt behind sarcasm. "Yeah, you are like me, yank, you're going through the same denial I went through. I'm just trying to save you a little confusion and pain later on when you finally realize it, but if you don't want my help, that's fine." He rolled to his feet and gently pushed an anxious Jayad away from him. "That's twice that you've assaulted me, Ray-it won't happen a third time." He turned and stalked off toward the kitchen. 

        Ray released a low growl and punched the air a few times in frenzied frustration, then grabbed his head as though in great pain. "I'm sorry, God Jay, I'm sorry." 

        "I'm not the one you need to apologize too, Ray," Jayad informed him quietly, as he settled back on the sofa, exasperated. "I admit that Ira went too far, but he is only trying to help you understand. We both know how it feels to be so confused and out of sorts about who you really are. Ira was wrong, but you had no right to hit him." 

        "I...I know, I just...." Ray stood and turned his back to them, so they would not see the tears in his eyes. "I can do this. I. Can. Do. This." 

        Fraser shook his head, catching his friend's stressful habit of repeating himself and exchanged a meaningful glance and Jayad, who appropriately rose and left the room to give them privacy. Fraser rose and stood behind his partner and dropped his hands on Ray's shoulders. He had been appalled that Ira would say such things, knowing Ray's temper, but he was also hurt at the way Ray denied their relationship to be as solid as Jay and Ira's. 

        "So you haven't fucked me," Fraser repeated, quietly, surprised that he did not stumble over the words. Perhaps because what he had to say was very important. "Does that mean you aren't willing to ever make love, Ray? Or is it simply that you find the whole idea of being with me preposterous?" 

        "Fraser...." Ray began, frustrated, but the Mountie continued. 

        "You told me to stop trying to push you away and to believe that you want to be with me, yet you deny what we are to those closest to us-the two people who would understand the most." 

        "I...I know and I don't...I meant what I said, Fraser I did I...I just..." Ray shook his head and Fraser could hear the pain and confusion in his friend's voice. 

        "I'm perfectly willing to keep our relationship from your parents and whoever else you deem necessary, Ray," he decided, finally. "If that's what makes you comfortable and will keep you with me, so be it. However, I believe Ira has a point. You are in denial and I thought we were past that. If you are ashamed of what you feel for me, then tell me so, Ray-don't let it come out in anger or hide from others because of it." 

        Ray turned and wrapped his arms around Fraser, needing the Mountie's support. "I'm not ashamed of us, Fraser," he denied and Fraser's heart bled at the torment in his partner's voice. "I love you, I do. I know that I do. I think I always have and that's why I was so scared when Vecchio came back. I...I didn't realize it then and... and...and I'm just..." 

        He increased his hold and pulled Fraser closer. 

        "I can't be gay, Fraser-I...I only like you. How can that make me gay or Bi or whatever else they want to call it? I'm attracted to you because I love you. I...it's not just physical...I mean, it is physical, because you're a beautiful man. I thought that from the first day I met you but I...it's not the only...Fraser I don't know what the hell I'm doin' here!" 

        Fraser returned his partner's embrace and closed his eyes in sympathy and gratitude. Ray did love him, he was just horribly afraid of being labeled with a title most refused to have. 

        "I love you, Ben," Ray whispered. "Please forgive me for hurting you by being stupid and sayin' things that don't even make sense to me. I never meant that I never wanted to fu....to...to make love with you, I just...making love isn't just about that one thing, Ben. It's anytime you're sexual with someone that you love, and we have been... like that. We have...we have made love, Ben and I...God I'm so sorry...I don't know what I'm sayin' anymore but it's all comin' out wrong." 

        "Ray, what is it you're really afraid of?" Fraser asked quietly as he made soothing circles on his partner's back to calm him. "Are you afraid of not being known as strictly heterosexual anymore, or of disappointing your parents?" 

        Fraser felt Ray's head brush against his in assent, but the blonde was unwilling to say which one was true, so perhaps it was both. His heart went out to his partner and he turned his head to kiss Ray's cheek, tenderly. 

        Ray pulled back slightly. he reached up to craddle Fraser's face in his hands, then turned his face toward his partner and covered the Mountie's mouth with his own. Fraser returned the kiss, eagerly. He had wanted this since Ray arrived looking so decidedly familiar and sexy in his new hairstyle. However, he hadn't known how his partner would receive such a public display, even if they were among friends. 

        Finally, they pulled back and stared at each other with all the love between them shinning in their eyes. Ray's thumb continued to caress the side of Fraser's cheek tenderly, as though in awe of what was between them. 

        "I guess I'd better go apologize to Ira," Ray murmured, ashamed. 

         Fraser nodded and stepped back, offering his partner a reassuring slap on the back. 

        Ray found Ira in the kitchen, holding an ice pack to his swollen lip. Jayad was fussing over him, but they both turned as the American entered the kitchen. 

        "I'll just go check if Benton needs more tea," Jayad decided and left. 

        Ira stared at Ray and the American stared back. 

        "I'm sorry," the both said simultaneously, then grinned at their foolishness. 

        "You can pop me back if it'll make ya feel better," Ray offered as he once had with Fraser. 

        "As tempting as that offer is..." Ira began wryly. "I wouldn't want to mess up that perfect face before your folks get here." 

        "Thanks," Ray offered, slightly relieved but still overwhelmed with the guilt of losing his temper. "Can I...can I do anything to make up for it?" He realized his mistake the minute the words were out of his mouth and Ira began grinning at him wickedly. 

        "Weeeellll, maybe one little thing might help me to forgive you," he agreed. 

        Ray's posture became more erect in defense as he eyed the Native warily. "Er...okay. What would that be?" 

        "My Mother used to kiss my boo-boos to make them better." 

        "I ain't your Mother, Ira," Ray reminded. "And I'm in enough trouble with Fraser as it is." 

        Ira grinned. "Jealous type is he?" 

        Ray refrained from comment, knowing any acknowledgment of Fraser's feelings would only give the Native more amunition to work with. 

        Ira chuckled at his stuborness and commented on Ray's other remark."No, you're definitely not my Mother,  but it might still help," Ira pressed, innocently. "You did say you were sorry." 

        Ray pursed his lips in thought and shoved his hands in his pockets to rock back on his heels. He should have hit the man a little harder, and then he'd be in too much pain to be a wise ass. 

        "Won't Jay get a little ticked about another guy kissin' ya?" he reminded, searching for a way around Ira's request. 

        "He was the one that suggested it," Ira replied, smiling at Ray's surprised look. "Well, actually I was bitching about you, telling him it was all your fault and he said I was being a baby and that of that was the case maybe I should ask you to come in and kiss it better." 

        "Does it really hurt?" Ray asked, seriously, stepping forward and carefully touching his friend's cheek. A nasty bruise was already starting to form on the native's jaw. 

        Ira shrugged. "Nah, you hit like a girl," he retorted. 

        Ray chuckled and offered his hand. "I really am sorry- I was out of line." 

        Ira accepted his hand, easily. "Yeah, but I shouldn't have pushed you like that." He smirked. "You'd think I'd have learned my lesson from the last time." 

        Ray grinned and allowed himself to be pulled in for a hug. Being in Ira's arms felt totally different from being in Fraser's strong embrace. Ray felt only a closeness that was brought on by his friendship with the Native man. There were no sexual urgings, no sudden sparks of passion, as Ray had predicted. 

        "Now about that kiss," Ira teased. 

        Ray groaned at his persistence and pulled back. He very cautiously touched his lips to Ira's swollen jaw, then laughed as the native pretended to swoon in his arms. Ray released his hold and dropped him. 

        "Ray?" a quiet voice called from the hallway called. 

        Ray stepped over the giggling native and left the kitchen to walk to the spare bedroom across the way. He watched Bonnie carefully sliding off the large double bed, where she had been taking a nap. 

         They had left the cabin at five that morning to get into town on time to meet the Kowalski's plane and run a few errands before hand. Diefenbaker dropped down off the bed and stood in front of her, so she would go no further until someone could help her. Bonnie still wasn't used to Ira and Jayad's large home, so Ray and Fraser needed to help her get around. 

        "I'm here, honey," he assured and moved in to allow her to wrap a small hand around his forearm. She was small for her age and her head only came to the middle of Ray's chest. "Have a good nap?" 

        "Yes thank you," she admitted as Diefenbaker moved out of the way and Ray guided Bonnie toward the living room. "Where did you go?" 

        "To pick up a few things and get my hair cut," he informed. 

        Bonnie looked surprised. "Did you really cut your hair?" 

        Ray grinned. "Yah." He paused in the doorway of the living room and knelt in front of her, guiding her free hand to his shortened locks. "Feel? All gone." 

        Bonnie released his arm so she could use both her hands to run through his hair and lightly down over his face as well. She nodded. 

        "You still look like a hero," she decided and he lowered his eyes, shyly. 

        "Ya gotta stop sayin' that, Bonnie." he requested, quietly. 

        "Why?" 

        "It...it's just...well it's not true, that's all. I'm no hero, Fraser can be classified that way, but not me, okay?" 

        Bonnie shook her head. "You are my hero. You and Benton both and I will tell anyone who will listen." She had started calling Fraser by his given name , because it seemed more informal than Fraser and she liked his name. 

        Ray sighed and missed the affectionate smile that Jayad and Fraser cast them from where they were seated. He rose, corrected the position of her hand on his arm again and guided her over to Fraser. 

        "Did you sleep well, Bonnie?" the Mountie inquired, politely as she settled beside him. 

        "Would you like something to drink or eat, Sweetie?" Jayad offered as Ira returned with a pot of coffee to refill on his and Ray's cups. 

        "No thank you," she returned politely and Stan shook his head. 

         It was spooky for a kid to be that polite all the time, he was sure even Fraser wasn't that proper when he was young. Still, perhaps her parents had just been very strict about that, or it was Bonnie's way of keeping people from getting too close. She was just starting to relax around he and Fraser. 

        Ray accepted more coffee from Ira and settled in the rocker between the sofa and love seat. Diefenbaker curled up between him and Bonnie. 

        "Will I have to go away while your parents are here, Ray?" she inquired, suddenly and Ray looked at her surprised. 

        "No," Fraser answered for them both. "Why would you think that, Bonnie?" 

        Bonnie tilted her head confused. "But, there is only my bed and your bed, where will Ray's parents sleep?" 

        "We have bedrolls, Bonnie," Fraser assured. "Ray's parents will sleep in our bed and we shall sleep on the floor." 

        "You may have my bed, then," she decided, politely. 

        "We don't need your bed, honey," Ray refused, kindly. "We're used to sleeping on the floor. Besides, they're only gonna be here for a few days." 

        "What should I do then, I do not want to be in the way." 

        "You do whatever you want to do, Bonnie," Ray insisted. "My folks are the visitors. The cabin is your home, at least for now, so you just do whatever you want, okay?" 

        Bonnie nodded, shyly. 

        Ray glanced at his watch. "Speaking of which, we better get goin', Fraser." 

        Fraser nodded and rose. "Bonnie, we'll pick you up after we've collected Ray's parents, all right?" 

        "I would like to go," she requested, shyly, but made no move to rise with them, as though sensing she would be denied. 

        "Of course you may accompany us," Fraser agreed easily. 

        He and Ray had thought it would be better to leave her with Ira and Jayad, since she seemed so shy around strangers. Also the noise of the airplane might frighten her because of what had happened to her parents. 

        "We just didn't wish you to be uncomfortable," Fraser assured. 

        Bonnie brightened almost immediately, but still she did not smile. "I can go, really!" 

        Ray had already retrieved her coat and was helping her into it. Sometimes he wondered if Bonnie's parents hadn't been too strict with their daughter. He had heard somewhere that most handicapped children were usually spoiled by their parents, that did not seem to be the case with Bonnie. Although, whenever she spoke about them, it was obvious that she had loved them a great deal. 

        "Let's go," Fraser encouraged and said their good byes to Jayad and Ira.   
    
    
  

 Part Two: 

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